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Holmes’ Cruise

“I will graduate with Honors,” said our son Holmes proudly. “Need I remind you that you have an F?” I said. To which he replied, “Momma, the F stands for fabulous.” “OK, son, but I’ll bet you a cruise that you will not graduate with Honors.” Thomas shot me a look that years of married life had taught me to interpret — the “have you lost your mind?” look. A week later, we all gathered in the high school gym to watch the graduates receive their scholarships and awards. Holmes turned around and said, “Daddy is coming, right?” “Yes,” I answered. “He’ll be here.” When Thomas arrived, Holmes gave him the thumbs-up sign. Thomas looked at me and I

Whatcha Gonna Name the Baby?

If I had a quarter for every time I was asked this question, I could have paid for my child’s college education. Names are interesting. Southerners love to unearth the family Bible and hunt for names or find old church cemeteries and read tombstones. Charleston people like to use street names; I can make fun of Charlestonians since I am one. Meet my son Ashley Tradd Beufain Smith. Our daughter’s name will be Calhoun Vandeshorst Lockwood Ravenel. My high school bud, Dr. George Gratzick has a great suggestion for twin boys. He said to name one twin Heyward and the other Ulysses. Just yell “hey, you” when you forget which

Why I Love Daffodils

There is something magical about daffodils. The mere shape of the flower seems to trumpet the arrival of spring, announcing something new and exciting. Imagine March in the Lowcountry with a sea of yellow daffodils covering a yard that stretches all the way down to the banks of Abbapoola Creek. My grandmother Lou would sit on the green porch swing and watch her grandchildren de-daffodil her yard. I can still hear the rhythmic creaking of the chains from the old swing — it almost sounded like a familiar song. She loved watching us pick every flower but there was always another prized daffodil hidden in her yard. The goal was

Make Your Own Luck

Learn to B-Positive Have you ever wondered whether some folks are just flat-out lucky? Perhaps there are some who are wired differently? Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t — you’re right.” The following is a great example of this quote. One of my Sunday school buds told our class a story I will never forget. As a 17-year-old, Nicky entered Boot Camp. He said that he was petrified and had a sinking feeling of failure. He dropped to his knees and prayed, “Lord, I need help. Please send me a sign to help me survive Basic Training.” With bowed head, Nicky’s eyes

Romance in the Rural South

Humor is everywhere — you just have to keep your eyes and ears open. As I have always said, you can’t make this stuff up. I was speaking in a small town outside of Winchester, Virginia, around Valentine’s Day, and I mentioned to the audience that it warms a wife’s heart to be given fancy lingerie. After the program, a sweet young woman approached me and said how glad she was I had made that suggestion. “My husband only buys me the Hanes Her Way drawers that come up real high. They are nice drawers, but I sure would like some of them fancy high-cut drawers. The only thing I

Happy ‘Taughts’ for New Beginnings

Excerpt from Rhinestones on My Flip-Flops My daughter, Caroline, loved watching Peter Pan when she was a little girl. She was glued to the television and loved every minute of the animated movie. After watching the movie, she pretended to fly around the house just like Peter Pan. On one occasion, I was upset over something, and my sweet Caroline, always a tender child, was very sensitive to my feelings. Her sweet face turned toward mine and her big brown eyes looked at me. She said, “Momma, tink happy taughts. Momma! Tink happy taughts!” she repeated. Then she said something I will never forget: “Momma if you tink happy taughts,

100 Christmases

I walked into the old farmhouse that housed four generations of the Jenkins family. Suddenly memories of Christmas Eve flooded my mind. I remembered so many details of that special night that made me laugh and shed a tear, but mostly, my heart swelled with gratitude. Uncle Bill was standing in the doorway with his fancy video camera with enough lights to illuminate a football stadium. So what I did I get for Christmas that year? Retina damage… I remembered my grandfather — we called Gumpa. He sat in his old burgundy chair with the wooden arms. It was his corner, almost a sacred place. He had a bird’s eye

Turkey on Zoom?

No, this does not mean chasing a fast turkey, Uncle Billie-Bob… I don’t think it is worth my time to address all the cons for having to practice social distancing for your holiday traditions. For functional families, it may be very difficult to be distanced from loved ones. However, for those of us who have the courage to admit that our families are dysfunctional, our gatherings may be the best ever. First of all, within both words there is a little secret 3-letter word embedded — FUN. So why not create a new kind of fun or family tradition? Let’s examine the wisdom and actual quotes from the Centers for

Football Fallout from a Female Fan

After months of wondering whether it will happen, we finally know — no football for us this season. Okay, no, not really. We do not know. What we do know is that TODAY, right this minute, we won’t be leaving our home this coming Saturday before sunrise (yes, traffic is that bad on gameday — in fact, we should start driving now to get to next year’s season opener), driving two hours, only to sit on a cooler (why do they call them coolers when it’s so blasted hot) for who knows how long for a 5 pm kickoff that would have been pushed back to 7 were it not

Whine and Cheese

Excerpt from Rhinestones on My Flip-Flops “I’m hearing lots of whine; where’s the cheese?” I will never forget the one-liner quoted above. My family was on vacation in Litchfield Beach, South Carolina, and heard the above statement from some “Nath’ners.” Normally when you think about wine and cheese it represents some sort of celebration, but during times of change, we need to watch out for the whine. I am going to admit my worst whiny moment of change. I was in the thick of a horrible family problem. I was shocked, bewildered and just plain pathetic. The event coincided with my caring for my mother-in-law, who was suffering from dementia.

Jane Jenkins Herlong

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