This is one of those stories that should start with “OMG, so I was …” I was in the shower so I couldn’t get it written in the moment. Some of my best moments of enlightenment happen when I’m in the shower with Pandora playing. So yesterday I was doing the same thing. I turned on Pandora to my Tank and the Bangas station and the song Walmart started playing. “You know it girl, keep the receipt!” “That was such a full story with some good advice,” is what I thought. And then Eryka Badu came on talking about the baggage we carry around. What if there were a playlist that had all the real-life advice that so many sistergirls offer through their music?
That’s how it started. What would I call the playlist? Well, there is something about black music. There is a vibe that appeals to my cultural blackness. And there is a sister to sister connection in some of the experiences that we’ve had that are similar. The Honey Chile’ playlist. Yes, it was most definitely like the conversations overheard as a child when someone’s Auntie was getting ready to give the proverbial “it” to another sistergirl. “Honey chile’, let me tell you …” said a whole bunch and was almost an understood warning that Auntie was about to get all into your business in an intrusive way that we don’t often see today. It meant some sistergirl had just opened up a Pandora’s box of a hot mess and the advice that was going to come next was going to be spoken in love but with a machete’s precision to cut through all your nonsense and excuses.
Yes, the Honey Chile’ playlist. And that’s what it would have been called in my mind if I had ended the shower on song two. But because I was taking a lingering shower, no rush to be anywhere any time soon, that didn’t feel good enough. Usually, the “honey chile’” kind of advice is directed to a specific someone. Even to enter into that kind of conversation implied a relationship, and, usually, it was directed at another sister. Not the biological kind necessarily but the family connection of choosing. Auntie was talking to a sistergirl. I never received a formal definition of that term of endearment but it meant another female friend close enough that you would be privy to her personal business, and loving enough that you had permission to speak your mind freely. Not every woman friend was a sistergirl. Yes. That’s it. The Honey Chile’ Sistergirl playlist.
But why would Auntie even be having the conversation? Those in the presence of a conversation like that would already know, but they would not be so bold to say it out loud. But an Auntie like that would. Because you need to get yo’ life together! Because a conversation like this would slip out of standard grammar and would leap into an Ebonics dialect understood by all present. This might be at the beauty shop or at a family gathering where the women had gathered in the family room while the men were outside discussing the deep philosophy of barbeque techniques or icing beer.
Because I had time, as I told you before, I followed the rabbit trail happening in my mind. Who else would be on this playlist? Definitely Tank and the Bangas because many of their songs play out like a new-age, neo-soul, funk advice column with a funky beat. And Eryka Badu as the grandmother who’s been telling you all along to put Tyrone out first, but before you jump into the next relationship, unpack your baggage. Once I put Badu on this playlist I realized I couldn’t invite Beyonce to this list. There was no place on this playlist to feed my sister’s egos instead of encouraging healing. No way can you have his box on the left and tomorrow you have jumped back into the next relationship. Honey, heal first. India Arie would be on the playlist and that sistergirl would start by telling you about how she wasn’t her hair and would encourage you to change your life and become the woman you are inside. I knew Jill Scott would be there too to talk about how we need to be more than just independent women, we need to be interdependent. We need each other, including our men, regardless of what the media may say.
I’d sprinkle in some lessons about having standards and requiring Respect from Great Grandma Aretha.
Eventually, I had to get out of the shower and get on with my day, but I realized there is an abundance of music therapy available that has an accumulation of the wisdom, values, and lessons that could be instrumental in getting life together for me and my other sistergirls out there. Gems of wisdom packaged in a lyrical wrapping paper. The playlist will probably never be complete, but I will be listening for other songs to add to my Honey Chile’ Sistergirl Playlist for Getting Your Life Together that will be spinning in my mind.
LaRahna Hughes ©2019 (Edited version)
