My aha moment came on Valentine’s Day 2017. I was on the heels of my divorce being finalized, and in an OK relationship, but nothing to write a romance novel about. It was a relationship that epitomized me moving forward with my life and freedom.
I picked up my daughter from school that day, and she asked me, “Mom, what are we going to do for Valentine’s Day?” As she and I discussed, we decided to have a nice little dinner up on the second floor balcony of my then house. We went to buy valentine decorations for our table, then on to the supermarket to pick out a few items for our Valentine’s Day dinner. It was a simple but elegant dinner. We dined on mozzarella, tomato, and basil salad, drizzled with olive oil, and a sprinkling of black Hawaiian sea salt; chocolate Valentine cakes; and cheese doodles. My beverage of choice was red wine, my daughter’s was sparkling apple juice. We lit a few candles on the table and then used my iPhone for some background music.
We had the best time! We were talking and laughing and enjoying each other’s company. During dessert we exchanged Valentine’s Day cards. It was at that moment when it hit me. This is what Valentine’s Day is really about. It was this beautiful, creative moment that was made out of pure love. My daughter and I were living in the moment and creating a memory. It was the love and bond that was shared between my daughter and me. We were being ourselves and enjoying what we created together, making Valentine’s our own special day, instead of what the “masses” expected it to be. That was the start of what has now become a regular occurrence for us. It is Valentine’s Day 365 days a year.
From my understanding, Valentine’s Day started out as a day to celebrate the expression of love. The expression of love comes in many ways, many shapes, and many forms. What I find interesting is how Valentine’s Day has become about how much to spend on dinner, how much to spend on flowers, how much to spend on gifts, and how much sex to give. That is a lot of pressure for a celebration that’s only once a year. (Sounds like a wedding.) If I wanted all those things once a year, I would have stayed married or I would have stayed in the ex-boyfriend relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I like to receive flowers, I like to receive gifts, and I enjoy a nice dinner — but not pumped up on steroids just once a year. And if it’s romance and passion, I like to have that more than once a year, too. All these different expressions of love should be expressed 365 days a year. That way when Valentine’s Day comes around, it is something just a little more special.
Since that dinner with my daughter, I no longer deal with the complexities or pressures that are associated with Valentine’s Day. Living life as a single mother (a title I wear very proudly), I will always choose to have a Valentine’s Day based on truth and real love rather than on fabrication.
The way that I see it, if you are in a relationship and that expression of love is not shown every day, how can a one-day celebration compare to what has been lacking the rest of the year? That’s just not tolerable.
My plans for Valentine’s Day 2020? I started a tradition last year on Valentine’s Day where I show my expression of love to myself. I go to one of my favorite coffee houses. I order one of their Valentine’s Day specialty coffee drinks and a pastry, and I celebrate Valentine’s Day with myself. And then later, I will pick my beautiful daughter up from school and we will plan our own special little Valentine’s Day dinner, and then a movie.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
