The Breast/Best Pearls | Excerpt from Bury Me with My Pearls, Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas

Author’s note: October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month so I thought I would share a funny story told to me at one of my speaking engagements. This one is a keeper!

Speaking to a group of ladies, I shared a story about my sister who had a bout with breast cancer. I emphasized how a positive attitude can help as we face difficulties.

After the meeting ended, an older woman approached me who obviously had a story to share. That happens lots of times to speakers. Many times you just tolerate the tale. Then there are those rare times when the story or joke is unbelievably hilarious. This is one of those times.

“I got me a friend who had both her breasts removed,” said this friendly woman. “The doctor said she was a candidate for one of them special reconstruction operations. Well, she asked me go to the doctor and help listen ‘cause her husband is the kind that don’t get it. You know what it’s like—the wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.

“Anyhow, I was setting in the office with my friend and her husband when the doctor said, ‘What I’m gonna do is cut yo’ abdomen and pull it up to make you new breasts.
Y’all understand?’”

“Well,” the woman continued, “that husband of hers was so confused. The doctor looked right square in his face and said, ‘Let me explain it like this. We gonna take yo’ wife’s stomach and pull it up and make new breasts.

Y’all got any questions?’”

“‘Sho nuff,’ her husband said, ‘Yes Sir, I do. If she goes to gettin’ hungry, are them things gonna growl?’”

She said that doctor kept his composure until he left the room; then he let out a laugh that echoed throughout the office.

“Yes,” said my new friend, “we all needed a good laugh.”


By Jane Jenkins Herlong

Jane Jenkins Herlong is a Southern humorist, Sirius XM comedian, member of the Speaker Hall of Fame, and the best-selling author  of four books.

Jane travels the country sharing her sweet tea wisdom and Southern fried humor.

For information on how to contact Jane for speaking engagements or to purchase her books, CD’s or MP3’s, visit www.janeherlong.com

Picture of Jane Jenkins Herlong

Jane Jenkins Herlong

Jane Jenkins Herlong is a Southern humorist, Sirius XM comedian, member of the Speaker Hall of Fame, and the best-selling author of four books. Jane travels the country sharing her sweet tea wisdom and Southern fried humor. For information on how to contact Jane for speaking engagements or to purchase her books, CD’s or MP3’s, visit www.janeherlong.com
Picture of Jane Jenkins Herlong

Jane Jenkins Herlong

Jane Jenkins Herlong is a Southern humorist, Sirius XM comedian, member of the Speaker Hall of Fame, and the best-selling author of four books. Jane travels the country sharing her sweet tea wisdom and Southern fried humor. For information on how to contact Jane for speaking engagements or to purchase her books, CD’s or MP3’s, visit www.janeherlong.com

In the know

Related Stories

The Case for Chocolate | Palmetto Bella

The Case for Chocolate

How is it mothers always know what’s going on behind their backs, especially when it’s something naughty? I loved sugar as a small child. When no one was looking, I’d get into the sugar bowl. There usually wasn’t much activity or supervision in the dining room, and the sugar bowl tempted me. I would use the spoon in the bowl to scoop up the sugar and put it in my mouth, and then wait in bliss while it slowly dissolved on my tongue. Evidently this was very naughty, and my mother always knew. It took me a long time to find out how. The spoon was sterling silver, a souvenir

Read More »
Taking Action | Palmetto Bella

Taking Action

“Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long,you miss them.” ~ William Arthur Ward This year has me wondering — is there more? More to life perhaps? More I can do? More I want to do? Many of us have had more downtime in the past year that we’ve ever had before. Lots of thinking time, lots of planning time. We all know that time is not finite, but when life comes to a jarring halt as it did in 2020, maybe it’s time to reassess what we want the rest of our lives to be. Most will probably want more travel, more family, more normal. This time of

Read More »
Dogs Riding in Cars | Palmetto Bella

Dogs Riding in Cars

I suspect it may be the reason most dogs keep us around. We can drive cars … and trucks and motorhomes and motorcycles. And, as a result, we can seemingly create the very wind itself. To the senses of dogs riding in cars, I suspect it seems we can also somehow make all the best smells float on the air at once, with a cacophony of new and familiar sounds intertwined and changing every few seconds. We magically bring farms with fields of horses into view before they dash past us with glorious speed. We find new people to watch walking and riding bikes, and other dogs to call out

Read More »
Why I Love Daffodils | Palmetto Bella

Why I Love Daffodils

There is something magical about daffodils. The mere shape of the flower seems to trumpet the arrival of spring, announcing something new and exciting. Imagine March in the Lowcountry with a sea of yellow daffodils covering a yard that stretches all the way down to the banks of Abbapoola Creek. My grandmother Lou would sit on the green porch swing and watch her grandchildren de-daffodil her yard. I can still hear the rhythmic creaking of the chains from the old swing — it almost sounded like a familiar song. She loved watching us pick every flower but there was always another prized daffodil hidden in her yard. The goal was

Read More »