Our love stories are a testimony to the best part of our lives.
My first boyfriend was in my kindergarten class. He came to my house one day and we sat in the garage on a stack of newspapers that were waiting to be recycled. He said, “Let’s kiss on the count of three.” I puckered up and never forgot the thrill of that first kiss.
My dad told me that he had kissed 50 women before our mother appeared in his life. I did not really believe that because he was a quiet and reserved man. Even so, I asked dad, “How did you know when you found true love?” I was only 13, and I don’t remember what he said, but it was probably, “You’ll know. When you are much older.” The discussion after that was, “No makeup until you are 20 and no dating until you are 30!” “Daaaaaad!” I was already wearing makeup and getting phone calls from boys.
Love was always on my mind from then on. I asked dad again in a letter during my freshman year of college, “How do I know when I have found true love?” Every young man that asked me out on a date made me swoon. Dad replied by writing a letter to me that I have saved and shared with my own daughters.
“There four elements of true love that must be present:
-
- excitement
- admiration
- respect
- common belief
Excitement is the physical attraction and desire to be together.”
He cautioned me not to let it lead to physical intimacy before marriage. “Admiration is actually liking who the person is and how they conduct themselves. Common beliefs would be their perspectives on life including religion and politics. Finally, respect would be for what they have accomplished and what goals they have for the future. When all four elements are mutually felt by two people then there is true love. Infatuation is more of a hormonal response without the cognitive connection.”
He must have known my next question would be, “How will I know when I have found the right person to marry?” He concluded the letter by saying, “When you feel ready to make a commitment and you have found someone that has the same mutual attraction, admiration, respect, and common beliefs, then that is the one to marry. There is no hurry.”
It was not my plan to have to date 50 men before I found Mr. Right. I went on my first date in high school when I was 14. It was pretty exciting. Dad told me not to turn down boys that are brave enough to ask for a date. I admired the athletes and respected the intellectuals. Not many shared my religious convictions or my dreams to have a family. Most boys were fairly stuck in the “attraction” mode in their teens. Before the end of my freshman year of high school, I was going “steady” with one guy who was really special. Then our family moved a couple thousand miles away.
While living in Argentina and Brazil for two years, I guess I became a free agent. My dad was traveling between countries, so he did not monitor my love life. I returned to the United States to go to college when I was eighteen. When I was nineteen, I found the love of my life.
He showed up on my doorstep. His grandmother lived next door, and she may have been the catalyst. My dad answered the door. When he found me to tell me I had a guest, he blurted, “Now there is someone you should date.” It must have been the argyle sweater and well-groomed appearance. He looked like Tom Hanks from “Bosom Buddies,” so I did not know what to expect, but by the end of the evening, I was smitten. Soon I learned he felt the same. Our love is still blooming 43 years later.
The chemistry was apparent when we danced to the music of the Spinners that was playing on the juke box of the local club. My admiration grew through his letters, which started out as philosophical reflections and evolved into loving recitations. My respect for him developed as he pursued a law degree and I navigated through the world of retail sales. The final element, our faith in God and our decision to follow the way of Christ, was the foundation that has made our love stronger each day. It has helped us through stress, loss, and disappointment. Love is what matters most.
We believe the simple truth in 1 John 4:7. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.” It is our desire for everyone to know God and all good things that come from God.
I believe the four elements my father talked about are exactly the things that define our love.
Our love story is our testimony to the best part of our lives. It is one we want to pass down to our children and grandchildren. It is what motivates us to do our best and to give what we have to others. Every story is unique — stories are what make us human and connected to one another in spirit and in truth.
