Celebrations have social and emotional motivators
Grandma Anderson made delicious meatballs with a secret ingredient called Rusk that is no longer found in stores. She taught my brothers and me to play Rook, which may explain why I still get the creeps when black birds soar overhead. Grandma Harper made prize-winning potato pancakes and stuffed cabbage. She taught us how to play pinochle and we would dance around the table if someone got what she called “a thousand aces.” My mamma was the most creative in the kitchen. She ventured away from traditional meat and potatoes and delighted us with recipes from our South American lifestyle. Gold Coast Stew served over rice was rich and spicy. She also decorated with flair, adding color to the table and the plate. These are the women I emulate when preparing for holiday celebrations that look like the Norman Rockwell’s painting called “Thanksgiving.”
My dad was quite involved as well. Our favorite game to this day is Perudo, a dice game he brought home from his world travels that requires guessing, lying, and luck. He was the designer of our outdoor holiday lighting displays, and he was essential for helping mom with the heavy lifting. That 25-pound turkey was a challenge when twenty people came to dinner.
My hubby, too, is a master in the kitchen. He has prepared Thanksgiving dinner for thirty years, and many Christmas feasts as well. I am in charge of side dishes, table setting, and games for the after-banquet digesting period. Men do not just sit and watch football anymore, although there is still a huge focus on that.
Our daughters now design their millennial holidays in a whole new way. There are feasts, games, and a lot of football watching, just as in the past, but their gatherings are more intimate and informal. Now that the family lives coast to coast, we struggle to get everyone together for even a single day. When we can gather, there is merriment until the last dish is dried and the last card is played. My daughters do put up Christmas trees, but without all the knickknacks and fluff that I seemed to have accumulated over forty years.
Small groups are on the docket this year due to health and safety measures. Many of our winter holidays in the past concluded with runny noses and tickles in the throat from the germs that were freely shared during hugs and snuggles on the couch. Well, this year we plan to be more vigilant. These seven months of pandemic have taught us to wash often, keep our distance, and enjoy the outdoors more. Most of our friends and family have been healthier as a result. Christmas and New Year’s Eve may be the final test for 2020, but this will not put a damper on our spirits.
The ancient rituals and religious basis for celebration continue to be a thread in what we do today, but there are also four social and emotional motivators that I observe as we focus on the parties and large group gatherings every year. These factors refuel our relationships and give us the hope that is necessary to maintain a strong sense of spirit. In addition to commemorating the birth of Christ or the Festival of Lights, the following are important reasons for gathering:
- to reminisce about our cherished memories
- to share our talents with friends and family
- to renew our zest for life
- to bond with the next generation
The biggest laughs around the dining room table are the stories we tell over and over about our relationships with grandparents, parents, and siblings. The family dynamic and the way that love is expressed are crucial to our sense of well-being. There are also the tales of childhood recklessness, and recalled moments of victory when we reached goals and accomplished projects — these provide lessons to those who listen.
Sharing talents starts with those in charge of hospitality. They set the tone for the event, from invitations to menu planning, from finding room for everyone to sit around the tables to conversation starters. The guests bring their talents too, with baking, with music, with singing and dance and storytelling, and with cleanup. A celebration is complete when each person contributes the best he or she has to offer.
While work can become monotonous, especially from home and in these times, we all need a break and time for renewal. The after-dinner walks, the political talks, the rousing games to test our skills — all add zest that is not part of everyday life. Once a year, or once a month, a holiday is perfect for regrouping and remembering what we live for. Celebrations add enthusiasm back into our routines.
For those who cringe around little children, a holiday celebration may be the only time to connect with them. Relatives give parents a break when they interact, and holiday gatherings allow children to bond with their quirky and kindly older generation. If we get on the floor with a child to build with LEGO bricks or Lincoln Logs, hearts soften and moments of wisdom flow, sometimes from child to adult.
Our celebrations may not be picture-perfect the way we remember them at grandma’s house. They are evolving and even improving as the focus returns to the nourishment of our spirit, soul, and body. If we bring our best to the table, there will always be room.
