What if we all began loving better? Would it change our lives, our communities, our world?
I love music. I love the way songwriters catch an emotion and clothe it in words and melodies. I love how they can take a trumpet or a saxophone and, like an ancient mythological siren, pull me dangerously into deep thought about something that connects with my own emotions, or pondering thoughts about the meaning of life, or purpose, or love. A song like that caught me recently and it made me check myself. I had not intended to question the quality of my love but that is the dangerous mental playground this song took me to.
I’m a good person, well good-ish. I have my own personal bag of issues and life triggers that sometimes become the catalyst for not treating the people around me with my heart’s best intentions. But love — I can love. I am a mother and grandmother. I give love. I have other relationships in my life where I give love. I couldn’t possibly need a lesson in love. But as the music and words filled my mind, I realized I needed to work on my loving. As I listened to the singer explain her interpretation of love, I realized that what she was speaking of was a bold and courageous kind of love. It was the kind of love that philosophers and deep spiritual thinkers have told us is the love that can change the world. So I wondered what would happen if I loved better. How would that make my life and my world better? How would it make me and everyone fate puts in my path better?
What kind of love would have that kind of power? It would be the kind of love that has no strings attached. It would be the kind of love that offered acceptance to those who cross. It would be a love that hands out countless amounts of outright acceptance. It would be love that gives out encouragement to choose the path that you want. It would be the love that creates a safe space in my presence to speak of anger, doubts, fears, freak-outs, so-called shame-filled accounts of your life —
and I would hold that space with no judgment. It would be love that allows you to ask for anything you want, or space for you and you alone, or freedom or time to travel, or to live by yourself, or to love someone else — and I would give support and understanding. It would be the kind of love that never requires a payback or anything in return. It would be the kind of love that makes you feel safe and comfortable enough to express your deepest truths, to be your most authentic self, to fall into your own personal abyss on your way to finding your bliss, or to hit rock bottom knowing you would be held and heard and empathized with.
That’s the kind of love that is courageous and powerful. How did I know that what this songwriter was preaching to me was true? I knew it was true because as I reflected on the words, the faces of the people who gave me that kind of love came to mind. They had allowed me space to express my deepest truths, my dark abyss, the hurts, pains, and fears — those were the times when I felt unlovable. They held me through the tough times of life I have experienced. And as the melody faded, I realized that their love changed me. It changed my world. It was powerful. And it helped me better understand how to love others.
What if those people have been right all along? Love is powerful. I believe it and I am convinced that in order to live life more fully today, I must love better. I must do it today and every tomorrow that I have the privilege to live. What if we all began loving better? Would it change our lives, our communities, our world? Let’s try it. As kids would say when I was growing up, “I double dog dare you” to give it a try.
Inspired by the song You Owe Me Nothing In Return by Alanis Morissette
